I don’t think I’ll get very far in my writing career with an opening statement like that, so let me explain.
Parenting is an act of balance… On one hand you have to make your child the most important thing in your world. You do this through time spent with them. This will give them confidence, make them feel happy, and other important stuff*. On the other hand you have to be very intentional with this time so they don’t become selfish entitled little pricks who think the rules don’t apply to them. The balance of parenting is not a game of perfect, it is a game of consistence.
*Extreme simplification. You can read a Science Parenting book for the specifics.
Means a lot to me that you could take the time out of your busy life to read my stream of consciousness. I know I took time away from mine, which is difficult. What with all the endless scrolling and being on time consuming (and often empty) apps on my phone. It was a difficult choice but alas, I choose to be creative rather than consumptive. Wait a long way of saying: thank you for your time and attention (I’m working on my long-windedness ;p).
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about social media and how I use it. I find myself troubled by it to be completely honest. It seems there is something very strange taking place in our society in terms of our communication and attention. Are we losing it? Are we forgetting it? Are we evolving? Are we devolving? What is happening?
Yes, this is actually how my mind works. Be thankful it isn’t yours.
The recent pandemic certainly has not helped with this. Being pressured to stay in doors and avoid social gathers (for good reason) has resulted in us looking for connection elsewhere. Human beings are not solitary creatures, we are pack animals by nature. Tens of thousands of years ago, we survived as tribes and today we still require others or a sense of having others to survive. Tom Hanks in Castaway is a perfect example of this, with creating a friend out of a random beach volleyball. So just like a hairy Tom Hanks and our great-great-great ancestors, we too need to feel connected and in the absence of real and close social-interactions, we are finding this through our technology and in particular: social media.
What are the problems you may ask? Well, for starters, I really question how real any of what we see on Social Media is. Are the things we “post” accurate depictions of who we are? Some may say things like, ‘yes, this is me’ or ‘this is me being vulnerable!’. But for whom? Ourselves? Our family? Our friends? Or even more uniquely, our followers?
I find the concept of followers very interesting. What exactly are followers? Are they friends? Or are they something entirely unique? It seems that followers are similar to whatever it was celebrities used to have. I guess you could call them fans but now we call them followers. Or certainly people that are interested in you and what you “stand for”. But what do you stand for? What do I stand for?
I’m not exactly sure.
Herein lies the problem. Or what I think could be the problem. We are confusing our identities between our waking real-world lives and whatever it is that we are presenting through our social media accounts. I think there is something uniquely dangerous happening here, in terms of, where is the line? Who are we really or what are we becoming.
Let’s not circle the drain here. I say this because, really, I’m concerned about what I am becoming. Why else would I bring it up? I see that I am distracted by the buzzes, the beeps, the icons that take me away from what really matters: my time and what I want to be doing with it.
There is an interesting phenomenon that I have noticed in my own life. I always am chasing the moment that just passed. I love my life. I am truly blessed. But it’s almost like I don’t fully enjoy the nectar of life that is available in the moment. I am always just a fraction of something distracted. And when this happens, you miss things. You take them for granted thinking that it will be like this forever. But the reality is, it won’t. All things shall pass and all things are impermanent.
So what is the solution? I say, make the choice of which world you want to live in: the digital one or the real one. You can’t live in both simultaneously. You just can’t. One is the Matrix where things are controlled by insidious robots called Algorithms that want to drain you of your most precious resources: time and attention. They do this by distracting you with extensions based on whatever it is you seem to be interested in. The other is the real word, where you spend time and give attention towards people that you actually know, where you can hopefully be who you really are. People that you swear you think are driving you absolutely insane one moment and have you laughing uncontrollably the next. Family. Friends. People where you can speak and be heard. The choice is yours, you can alternate if you want to. But like anything, you can’t do both at the same time effectively.
Have you ever tried having a meaningful conversation with your partner while writing a diatribe against someone who made an inflammatory comment towards Beyond Meat Burgers? Probably not, but you probably have tried something similar. And my guess is that it didn’t go very well. You can only do one thing well at a time, human beings are not effective multi-taskers. Similarly, you can only live in one of these worlds, effectively, at a time.
Both take up the same resources: time and attention. And while I am not saying that you need to be a luddite and smash your internet router, I am suggesting that we need to be a little bit more present around the organic people in our lives that actually matter. And really, what I am saying is that I need to be more present around my family. Mark my words, in a world where distractions are infinite, the greatest gift you can give anyone is your time and attention.
Summer vacation has started in most parts of North America for millions of teachers and students. Usually this is a time of immense joy. The pay off for a long hard year of academic pursuit; however, this break feels noticeably (and understandably) different. Due to the impact of COVID-19, the connection between teachers and students has been greatly affected with much of the learning taking place online. With everything taking place through chat groups, video conferencing, online calendars and a myriad of other digital tools- the very face of education change. In a very brief period of time. We went from going to places of education (schools), to transforming our living spaces into schools. Now, I am not the person to measure or assess the level of success that this had; however, I can tell you that this had mixed results. I believe it has much to do with the relationship between the teacher and the student.
I should begin by stating my bias and why I have immense respect for teachers. I started my career as an elementary teacher before becoming a counselor and am still an employee of a school district. I work alongside teachers, students and families every day. I see the importance that a positive connection can have on an individual. (I also see the consequences of what a negative connection can have with a young learner). Connections are best established and maintained in person not online. That is not to say that you can not do this successfully online, it is just much more difficult and requires a lot more work and time. Something that we don’t have readily available in our ever increasingly busy lives. I have seen amazing examples of thriving online classrooms with lively conversations among teachers and pupils. I have also seen teachers provide tutorials for students who are struggling with specific concepts or one-on-one support for students who request it. The potential is there but there is still something missing.
Humans are hard wired for connections. Read any book on evolutionary biology or behavior. We got to where we are today by cooperation and competition. We did not enter the 21st century through isolation; however, there is growing concern that this is the direction we are heading. I am not against technology (I am using a blog to communicate this) but I do have concerns. I have previously written about the importance of positive adults in the lives of children and I believe that schools are wonderful places for this. I admit I am an optimist as schools can also be places that inhibit individuality and happiness. Buildings full of people but no personality, where “weaker” kids become easy targets for bullies. However, this has much to do with school culture and community that impacts the overall environment. Having a healthy school ethos or philosophy that encourages individuality as well as social-togetherness will develop happy and healthier minds (more on this on another time). The point is that environment, that is the setting and the place, plays a huge role not just in the learning of young minds but also in their well-being. Being stuck at home all day and trying to remember you have a math lesson at 10 is not easy for adolescent minds . They need someone to be there to help them navigate the routine and the daily structure. This is what teachers do.
The focus on 21st century education isn’t on the “what to think” (or the acquirement of information) but rather on “how to think” (strategies that will help us decode, determine, argue, and acquire our own information based on the vast amount of information available). This is why we need teachers. It isn’t so much about memorizing information or facts anymore because anyone can do a google search. The focus is rather on developing the strategies and tools to think critically and openly as well as to express information constructively. It doesn’t take much researching to find that conversations on internet forums are often lacking in their ability for democratic discourse in many participants. We need teachers to help us develop the skill-set to navigate the world ahead. A world of information overload.
There is also a second major avenue that teachers help and that is in the well-being of the individual. What other profession can have such a profound social-emotional impact (either negatively or positively) on an individual? Almost everyone can recount either an uplifting story and/or a Dickensian archetype (the evil Grade [insert number here] teacher) of an educator at some point in their lives. I wonder/worry about those who can’t recall a memorable teacher. My success, not just in terms of career path but also in perspective, I owe in large part to a teacher who was there for me when I was a troubled teenager. Teachers make a difference especially the ones who develop a connection with their students. Humans are hard wired for connection but to establish connection you need presence. It is much easier to do this when you have everyone in the room rather than individually seeking them out (I hear it also makes attendance a lot easier). Research also shows that the more involved a student feels, the more successful they become. It is a lot easier to feel involved in something when you are already there and have someone to help you be accountable than sitting at home on a computer.
In conclusion, teachers make a difference in the lives of children and adolescents. It is difficult to argue otherwise. Contemporary education is not perfect.  And while there is much room for growth, it does provide an environment for many individuals to thrive, if used appropriately. I believe that school is not a place to do menial work, it is a place to develop the hearts and minds of the future. Yes, I know I am an optimist. I said that already.
Please feel free to comment on this thread with additional insights. This was a very brief article and I know there is a lot more to this subject. My aim is not to do it harm but to hopefully do it some small semblance of justice. Thank you for reading.
Individuals benefit greatly from routine. The establishment of routines is associated to executive functioning which occurs predominately in the prefrontal-cortex of the brain. This part of the brain is not yet fully develop in children and adolescents until their early twenties. Thereby making self-directed accountability very difficult for many young minds. For more information see Behave by Robert Sapolsky.
 Think Wilson in the Tom Hanks classic Castaway. He had to give an inanimate object sentience so that he kept his sanity. Therefore, we are hardwired for connection.
 There is much research available on this. I gathered this information from John Shindler’s Transformative Classrooms: Positive Strategies to Engage All Learners (2010).
 It is important to note that I am talking about Western 21st century education here. A system that like many others has historical and cultural associations and implications, often negative ones. Look no further than the impact of Residential Schooling on First Peoples (Inuit, First Nations and Métis) in Canada to see how education has caused cultural, often labeled genocidal, harm.
The creative process is a frustrating one. Perhaps it is because, if you are like me, you wait for some creative genius to wash over you, be inspired and then start working. Well, guess what? It doesn’t work that way. If you want to write something, or do something. Anything for that matter. You have to physically start doing it. No amount of self-help books will self help you to action. You have to act. Now of course I am not saying that you shouldn’t be reading or expanding your knowledge. But at some point, we got to realize, we are the ones that have to do it. It is not going to come to us. It is not going to fall from the sky. We have to act.
So instead of sitting around and being a Netflix triathlete. Get up and do the work. This is the only way you are going to get things done. I don’t know what is wrong with me, and perhaps my generation, but nothing is going to come to you. With the exception of the lottery and even that requires buying a ticket. We have got to get up and do the work. So instead of thinking about all the plot points and pandering over every detail and theme. Just start.
Instead of researching the best gym routine to follow. Just go to the gym.
Instead of thinking about what products to best clean your house. Just clean your house.
Nike truly was on to something when they said, ‘just do it’. Trust me on this one. Whatever it is you want to do. Whatever goal it is you want to achieve. Stop making excuses that no one cares about because the only person it is affecting is you. But my internet is too slow and the word document for me to write this is taking too long. This is the voice I heard before writing this and honestly, it’s a piss poor excuse for not doing the work.
Hear yourself and redirect yourself. Just do it.
We live in a world of perfectionism and perfectionists. And I’m here to say that is a load of shit. Nothing is more important than the power of action and action is progress. Not perfection. So stop talking and just do it. You are more than capable.
Last Sunday I wrote about the need to reintroduce some routine and structure into my life. The current circumstances of COVID-19 has made it far too easy for me to formulate excuses to not have a rigid schedule. I can’t go to the gym because it is closed. I can’t get up early because I could wake everyone. I can’t go to be early because I have to watch one more episode on Netflix. As I write them out, I see the truth for what it is, my own laziness and my quickness to blame my situation on external factors. Yes, excuses. The reality is that I am the one who needs to adapt. So I decided to challenge myself in going to be every night at a reasonable time and getting up at 5am to start a specific morning routine.
That was last week and as promised, I thought I would share how it went. My goal is not to bore you with the details so I will try and be as succinct as possible. The purpose is for me to be honest with you so I can be more honest with myself. That night after writing the article, we had some friends over. I stayed up to late. Had too much wine. Ate too much food. So as you can imagine, when the alarm went off at 4:55AM, I hit the snooze button faster than cowboy in a wild west shootout. Off to a great start.
I eventually did find the “strength” to get out of bed quarter after six. Rather than beat myself up, I acknowledged that this was an improvement from any single day the previous week. Improvement. Success. Getting better. But not where I want to be. Now the interesting thing about my relationship with goals, is that one failure often times makes me want to quit. Maybe you are the same way. Now I could get in-depth into the psychology of this (or what I think the psychology is) but allow me to be brief: for me I associate failure with shame (I could write an entire article on the reasons why). Maybe you do too? Historically, when I can’t make a goal or deadline, I collapse and give up. Rather than regroup, restructure and try again, I just throw in the towel. But that methodology is shit and I’m tired of appealing to it. So instead of beating myself up and giving up, which I was previously a master at, I decided to learn from what went wrong.
I re-evaluated last night and looked simply at what happened without adding any emotions to it. Okay, so I had some friends over. Stayed up too late and drank wine. Clearly, I need to shut things down earlier. That’s it. No further judgements or shameful statements against myself or my decision making. Because this is what traditionally has derailed me from further pursuit of my goals. I believe that there is an inner critic in us all that keeps us from doing what we want to do. Because whenever we fail at pursuing that passion or valuable goal, the inner critic is in their glory. You suck. You knew you couldn’t do it, why did you even try? You can lie and convince them but you’re the same damn loser to me. You get the idea. The inner critic is a Bonafide prick! How do you shut it off? You just get right back to that goal. You make adjustments. So what did I do? Went to bed earlier.
The following morning? You may have guessed it. Didn’t get up at 4:55AM. Again, shoot the snooze button from the hip. I get the bullseye every time. But this time, I rolled out of bed at quarter past 5. And yes, I literally had to roll myself out of bed. While not the time I was aiming for, I saw it as another victory. I was encouraging myself. I went downstairs and did a morning routine. The only difference was that the timing was staggered by fifteen minutes. Victory. Rather than beating myself up, I kept identifying the positive and that pushed me forward. I want to clarify that acknowledging these successes is not to be confused with participation awards. You know, the ones were you go out and everyone gets a reward just for showing up. To hell with that, I still had a goal and I was going to achieve it. I just wasn’t going to succumb to the negative voices in my head.
So, that night I went to bed at a reasonable time. This allowed me to get up at 4:55 the following morning and crush my routine. I didn’t fall out of bed. I go up with purpose. Had a coffee and started reading. Then did a workout. It was the victory I had wanted. I was able to redirect myself onto the path of success and not give up on the goal because I failed the first day starting it. I call this Goal Reorienting. Imagine one day that you are lost in the woods while going for a hike. You would (hopefully) not just give up finding a way out. What you might do is stop aimlessly walking and recompose yourself by taking a breathe and thinking about where you came from and where you want to go. You would look for landmarks that would help bring you back onto the path from where you came from and eventually get yourself out of the precarious position you are in. Goal Reorienting is like this, only instead of getting lost in the woods you fail to hit your goal. The recomposing yourself is similar but rather than looking for landmarks, you look for the successes that are getting you closer to your goal. Lets say you wanted to lose ten pounds but you only lost 5, well, that’s a pretty spectacular landmark that means you are getting closer to your destination. This helped me stay on the path and carve out my first success with my goal. It felt good, but it was only one day.
Now, maybe I was too cocky because that night I did not go to bed at a reasonable time. But I made a commitment to get up at 4:55AM, which I accomplished. This goes back to the concept of Goal Reorientation. Yes, I strayed away from my path but I was able to correct myself at the nearest landmark (my wake up time). This was a success. And trust me, that night I had no troubles sleeping. I was back at it, even on the weekend! I also plan on continuing to pursue this routine- will I achieve it tomorrow? Not sure yet but I am aiming for it. That is the key to goal consistency.
The point is, if you do not want to accomplish something, aim for perfection. If you do want to achieve something, aim for and identify your progress. Once you get there, keep pursuing it. Achieving goals is all about consistency and your willingness to work for it. Not skill. Not luck. Ask yourself how bad do you want it? If you give up the first sign of difficulty then that can tell you one of two things: you either don’t really want it or you need to deal with that inner critic in your head who is keeping you down. Only you can figure this out and I challenge you to!
So how are you doing with your goals? Feel free to leave a comment below. I would love to hear from you.
I don’t know about you folks, but I am really feeling the quarantine blues. I know Social Distancing is something to take seriously, which I am, but DAMN my routine and my willpower is way out of wack. I feel out of sorts and really lacking the motivation to do the things that are important to me. So I thought that this would be a good time to reflect on that and perhaps even offer some encouragement to you as well (if you find yourself in a similar state). After all, we are all in this together. I mean truly, whether we like it or not, this is happening to all of us and it is affecting all of us.
Before we were in this situation, I found myself getting up at five minutes to five in the morning. This gave me time to have some coffee, maybe even meditate, read a book, stretch and then head off to the gym before going to work. I found this routine got me pumped up and ready to go. I attribute much of this to not only going to bed at a reasonable time before but to getting some exercise before starting my day. Right there we got two major things that fuel a healthy mindset: sleep and exercise. Since quarantine, gyms have closed and I find myself working from home.
I am very thankful to be working. Unfortunately, many of us may not be as fortunate. While some of us are receiving financial support- there are others who are living under extremely stressful financial situations. My heart goes out to these individuals and their families. This is but one more major difficulty during a tumultuous time. I do wish to acknowledge these individuals. My thoughts are with you and your families at this time. I can not speak for you but my only hope is that this article may provide something useful to you.
Working from home is more difficult than I had anticipated. Not that the work itself is more difficult but rather the ability to remain focused is. At work, I find myself coming to a place where I am given a specific task: to do my job. When you are working from home, there is much more you have to do- especially if you have children. At the time of writing this, my daughter is seven months old. It is wonderful to be able to experience being around her during the day. Seeing her trying to figure out the world more than I was ever able to when I worked. However, it can make focusing on work and staying on task for extended periods of time very difficult. I can only imagine what this is like for parents of older children who are much more mobile and active.
That said, If I am being honest with myself: I am hiding my lack of productivity behind my daughter. Behind my spouse. Behind my dog. Behind my chores. All of which is rather unfair. The real reason my level of effort has decreased is because of me. I have fallen into a slump and I have chosen to use our current situation as an excuse. Yes, the gym is closed. Yes, I am not able to switch up my scenery and put myself in a “productive” environment. Yes, I can’t see friends. But these are all reasons to hide behind my lack of productivity. I can still get up early in the morning. I can still go to bed at a reasonable time. But I find myself not doing these things. Why? Because I am looking for a good reason not to. For me, blaming it on something out of my control is a great excuse. The problem: it is still an excuse and the only person who is really stopping me from accessing my potential is myself.
Sometimes it helps to pull back the layers and look at things from a distance. Detaching yourself from the immediate experience. So if I am to do that and stop and assess things, I will see that there is a habit loop starting to cultivate itself. I tell myself: “Okay, I am going to get up early tomorrow and start my day like I used to.” But I find myself staying up way passed my intended bedtime binge watching shows about a gun trotting madman with a penchant for killer cats. The result: I go to bed later and can’t get myself up in the morning. Almost always, we do things because there is a reward.
Think about your worst vice: typically you do it because you get something out of it. If you didn’t you probably wouldn’t do it. Take for example alcohol. If you have a couple drinks, you start to feel good. It relaxes you. Have to many, you feel like you were hit by a truck the next day. But often times we forgot about how bad our hangovers are and only remember the good feelings, so we find ourselves doing the same thing only a few days later. My point is that our memory and our minds are programmed to these feedback loops especially if what we get out of it is a good feeling which over time become habits. This is explained originally (and far more clearly) in Charles Duhigg’s wonderful book The Power of Habit.
So for me, staying up late with mindless entertainment was becoming a habit. Watching tv or playing video games felt good but then I would have a hard time getting up. This did not feel good. It made me feel unaccomplished and that in turn was failing my goals. This would derail my day and my mood because I felt unsuccessful which would manifest itself in, you guessed, staying up late to ward off those bad feelings. Before all this, I would get up in the morning and go to the gym. The reward was that I felt great after and in turn mentally set me up for a successful day. The problem is that the system of delivering that reward: the gym, is no longer available. So what do I need to do to get back on track and reclaim my routine? Like most things, the answer is deceivingly simple: I need to change right now. I need to stop hiding behind people and events believing they are “obstacles”. I am my only obstacle. I am the one responsible for where I am and the choices I make. So, I need to start making better ones.
The best way to get out of a slump is to acknowledge that you are in one. For me, my slump is not being productive and in not setting up some rigidity in my day. We all need this in our lives, we function best in the presence of a schedule not the absence of one. Therefore, I need to develop and stick to a routine. So starting today I will give myself a weekly schedule. If I slip up, rather than beat myself up, I will do everything to get back on that schedule. For example: if I don’t get up at 4:55, I will get up at the closest interval to that on my schedule. Most importantly, I will set an alarm at the end of the day to go to bed. This will help remind me that I have got to get up early tomorrow. Remembering that the biggest thing in aiding a positive and strong mindset is sleep! If you get a good night sleep, you will simply be more ready for whatever comes your way in the morning.
Picture 2: A rough copy of my proposed routine.
I have included a scanned copy of my schedule above. You will notice the emphasis is on the morning having a strict routine and there being a set time for bed. This leaves plenty of room for figuring out the rest of the day. To me having a regulated morning is necessary for having a productive and positive day. Maybe it is similar to yours? Or perhaps you too could benefit from having a schedule. Feel free to share your thoughts and let me know what you think. I will be posting next weekend with results in how I did with my schedule and areas for improvement. This will help keep me accountable and honest. Human beings are creatures of habit and having a routine can help promote our maximum potential. My goal is to get back to achieving just that! I would be honored if you joined me (or perhaps for me to join you)!
Thank you for reading,
 Duhigg, Charles, The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business, Canada: Random House, 2013.
 Walker, Matthew, Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams, New York: Scribner, 2018.
The internet is a fascinating and boundless place. It has so much content. So much culture. So much influence. It is a land of unlimited opportunities for information: on any subject, on any thing you can really imagine (always use caution when really tapping into your imagination). It is also a place for socialization albeit a very strange one. You see, part of what makes us humans so interesting is our ability to communicate. According to anthropologists, evolutionary biologists and other smart people – the ability to explicitly and implicitly communicate and thus share information, is what got us to where we are today. Therefore, language: the vessel through which we communicate, is complex. We do not just express ourselves through our literal written words or our spoken phrases. We also use body language, active listening, tone, and a lot of hidden meanings or symbolic language (things like idioms and sarcasm) among other amazing phonological things. My point is, there is more to language than the words we write in a comment box.
The problem is that the internet, for the most part isn’t really monitored by a ruling or governing body. Sure, they have all kinds of people observing what goes on in the internet but no one is really policing it. For example, say you woke up late and are starting your day off poorly. Then you get on public transit and someone on the bus is listening to music full blast without headphones. Yes, using their shitty phone to blare ear bleeding static noise for all to enjoy. It’s at this point you realize you forgot your coffee. Your body temperature increases. Frustration builds up. You feel a demon inside you starting to riff speed metal on your psyche. You are ready to snap.
But you can’t. You can’t walk up, rip that person’s phone and defenestrate them both from a moving vehicle. Social norms resist us from doing that. If you were to do that. You would probably get yourself in a lot of trouble with the law. Because you took someone else’s property and destroyed it (albeit, somewhat justly).
Is there a metaphor here? Yes. Is it super clear? Maybe not, so I’ll explain. We all have bad days. We have all likely been victims of our anger and rage at some point. If not externally, then internally. However, socially constructed systems, like laws and policing bodies, have created things to protect others and in so doing has developed social norms and expectations. Ask anyone on the street if it is normal to walk up to someone and punch them in the face and they will tell you, most likely defensively: no (on second thought, I strongly advise that you please do not do that). That is because we all have a right to be safe. So, you can’t take that goofballs phone and throw it out the window, even though he deserves it. And if you do you go to jail.
So you keep that anger in.
Something else happens. Then something more. Et cetera. Et cetera. And the fire that is your temper grows.
If you are a healthy person. You might start to do some deep breathing. Take a sip of cold water. Distract yourself. Maybe think about a herd of wild puppies jumping on you in a spring meadow and the sun is out. Just look at those puppies. Awww so cute. (Damn, that calmed me down just writing that!)
But maybe you don’t have the strategies to calm yourself down. Maybe you’ve been told all your life to keep it in or not to let it bother you. This advice isn’t very helpful because it isn’t practical. We have to let it out some way or another. And if we don’t let it out through a positive mindful practice, we will let it out through a negative one. Go ahead and name your vice: be it raging at others, road rage, porn, liquor, stealing stamps from your Grandmother’s vast collection, you name it.
Or, maybe you go on the internet. After all, the internet is for the most part, a fairly unregulated and ungoverned place. It seems, that the only way you are ever held responsible or accountable for something you say is if it causes enough social outrage that people come after you. Usually, this is reserved for the off-colour remarks that famous people make while tweeting well past midnight. But the troll is not famous and thus they log on and proceed to absolutely trash someone of status or otherwise. You go on groups and intentionally start fights. You love dwelling in comment boxes and typing things you would never say in public. But here, oh here, you’ve found the perfect place to unleash that monster inside you. Your goal in what you say is not to provide constructive criticism but to evoke the same rage demon that has been conjured up in you. All these years. These people are called Internet Trolls.
Trolls are bastards. They feed off negativity. They say things that cause emotional responses in readers arousing some of our most primitive emotions: hate, fear, anger. They desperately want you to respond. To ignite their fire. To keep that pain burning. Because they are weak. They are hurt. They are people who have been bullied all their lives. Mistreated and presumed powerless. Neglected when they needed a friend. Abandoned when they needed a place to share their heart, their passion, their spark. Trolls are also people just like you and me. They were once a child. They were once innocent and full of potential, now they get their power from antagonizing others online. See the hurt in their words. Hate is hurt and hurt people hate.
There is only one remedy to hatred.
Which brings me to my amazing mother. She has given me so much advice and care over the years that I could never repay her back, I can only pay it forward unto others. She used to say to me when I was angry at someone: If you have nothing nice to say, find something nice to say. I know. I know. The saying usually goes that if you have nothing nice to say don’t say anything. But our brains are wired for connection. And when we see the positive in things, our brain develops neural networks that, from that moment on, searches for positive things. It might be difficult at first, but the more you look for the good, the easier it becomes. So instead of shooting a bunch of venom into the internets, say something kind!
For example, perhaps you have a funny comment about regarding what someone does. Do a quick checklist and ask yourself: could this person misread what I am saying? Is this comment mean spirited or is it friendly? Where is this comment coming from? Is it out of pride or jealously? I probably shouldn’t post it then. There are other questions you could ask, but these are good immediate ones to consider before posting something. I’ve made jokes and said things that after I thought, perhaps sometime later: geeze, I probably shouldn’t have said that. If you are having Post Regret. Don’t sweat it. Who you were is not who you are. Just make a conscious effort to say nicer things moving forward. Maybe go back and say something positive on that person’s page. They probably won’t notice or even care, but you will.
Going around saying nice things or comments that are intended to encourage or promote positive feelings is a really good thing. You are injecting the opposite of what the internet already has waaaaaay too much of: trolls and trolling behavior. So much so that it’s a commonplace verb nowadays. Also, you will feel good about yourself too! When you say positive things and encourage others, you feel amazing after. So be an Internet Pixie instead. Might sound super lame but it far outweighs being classified as a troll.
What is a Pixie? Well, depending on where you look, the definition of a Pixie is an entity that can be mischievous but chooses to do “good” instead of being “bad”. They are literally kind-spirited (a kind spirit) versus mean-spirited (a mean spirit). We all have a consciousness and an intuition that tells us what is right from what is wrong. We feel good when we do things that are good, like helping others; however, if we feel bad, like a troll often does, we continue to do bad. Being a troll is cyclic: you feel shitty, so you say something shitty, then you might get a rush of dopamine, but because you didn’t do anything constructive, you feel shitty and the cycle repeats itself. Wow, that’s a lot of excrement. Excrement is toxic. That’s why we get rid of it. So: break the cycle. Be kind, friendly, nice and pleasant on the internet and say things that follow these values. I guarantee that if you promote kindness by throwing some Pixie dust on the internet, then your overall mood will follow!
So be an Internet Pixie, not an Internet Troll. Start Pixing today!
Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoy this article as much as I have enjoyed writing it. Have a wonderful day.
 Much like operating a car or heavy machinery, don’t post things under the influence of drugs and alcohol.
 Thanks mom, I promise I’ll clean my room. Later.
 I originally considered calling it an Internet Faerie; however, I received a lot of feedback, non-verbal and otherwise, that this was probably not a good choice in wording. My intent in using this terminology was not to offend anyone or any groups. If you think it is suiting go ahead. Whatever it is, it is meant to be positive.
 Found this through a simple Wikipedia search, then got lost for half an hour in the vortex that is the internet and ended up on the climate on Kilimanjaro wondering: how did I get here? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pixie
 It is a similar phenomenon in drug addicts called the Habit Loop. For more information, read: The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg.