In today’s post: I decided to write a brief explanation on the title of my project: I Am Probably Wrong About Everything. Since developing this idea in early 2020, I have found myself becoming more and more interested in the pursuits of asking questions I never asked and expanding my understanding. Questioning everything rather than just accepting my reality. The big question I wonder is what do I really know?
When I tell people the name of my blog/podcast/whatever this is, I often get a good chuckle. Perhaps that was the original intent. To develop something that made humour from its own self-deprecation. Admission to the fact that, well, I probably have no idea what I am talking about but I want to talk about it. And the more I think about it, the more I begin to believe that there is a lot more to this title than I give credit. I see the world through a lens. My lens. You do too. Only it is your lens. Our lenses are based in part through experience and relationship. You learn what you learn through practice and whoever is around you. This develops the building blocks or foundation of your understanding. Then come the abstracts. Things like events happening in other parts of the world, seemingly worlds away and of no immediate proximity to your world. As you learn through reading, watching, imagining and other means, this information is filtered through your lens of your understanding and thus shapes your perspective.
What makes this problematic is that I have so often found myself gravitating towards those who agree with me. Those who think like me. Perhaps even those who look like me. And when we choose to identify and associate ourselves with people like ourselves, we run the risk of developing a myopic view of the world. Of only seeing and understanding the world through our lens thereby becoming completely out of touch with the rest of the world. For example (and perhaps not the best one), we hear of celebrities being jerks to their rabid fans and think: What’s their problem? They are rich and famous? They shouldn’t treat people like that! Especially not their fans. But we have no idea what it feels like to be a celebrity and just how annoying it is to not be able to go anywhere without being recognized. Have you ever wanted to buy one item at a grocery store after a long and exhausting day (maybe, say, ice cream?) hoping to get in and out as quickly as possible only to be obstructed by one your annoying cousins or any acquaintance for that matter? Yea, well, I imagine that is what a celebrity goes through. Only it is every day, every where and all of the time. Makes me very glad I never got into movies.
My point is, is that we really don’t know what goes on in the minds of others. We have a hard enough time as it is keeping track of our own. At least I do (I won’t speak for you). Therefore, by definition of us not being able to think and speak for others then we have no idea what goes on for other cultures, races, religions, nations, genders, sexualities, etc. Especially ones that are not our own. So when we see things happening around the world on the news and think: Gee that must be how “they” do it down there. We should probably give that a second thought and ask ourselves: who is they? Do I know a they? Shouldn’t I be asking they instead of thinking that this is what they does all day? But I know two theys and they have different answers!?! My point exactly.
Therefore, the purpose of this project is to seek to understand as much as I can and always be open to differences of opinion. The truth being that I haven’t always been open to different opinions. This is especially true around politics. I see myself as I fairly liberal minded person but what does the other side have to say? Do I have to commit myself to one side of some strange tribalist political feud? Or can I be more open? What is it that this person is saying? What are other people saying? My point is that once we stop being open, we close the ability to change our minds and thus get ourselves closer to the truth. Whatever the truth is. And a lot of what we are currently living under is a collection of assumptions and historical consequences that are worth reexamining. Which is why I want to admit that I am probably wrong about everything but that I want to learn. So maybe you too can help me.
Thank you for reading. Please feel free to subscribe or comment on my posts. Have a wonderful day.
To say that the current protesting in the United States and the Black Lives Matter movement is trending right now would be an absolute understatement. This humanitarian pursuit (also known as Civil Rights Movement) is not new, nor is it reserved for the United States. Blacks and browns have experienced systemic racism all over the world and my country of Canada is not exempt. In speaking with various peoples of various backgrounds (including people of colour or POC), they express concerns about this movement losing steam and popularity only to reignite several years later after another case of police brutality against a minority. By my understanding, this is the second wave of mass protest of the BLM movement. The burning question is: how can we create lasting change?
The conversation around racial equality is an incredibly complex and sensitive one. For good reason, the inequality that groups such as BLM speak of have been around for a very long time. This history of racial injustice sometimes only receives a few paragraphs in educational textbooks. Why? I imagine this is because no one wants to focus on the crimes committed by first world nations. It is not easy to admit to the state sponsored genocide of American First Peoples. Nor is it easy to discuss how millions of African peoples were kidnapped as slaves and brought to various colonies around the world (Britain, Caribbean, America, Latin America, etc.) with extreme violence and oppression.* By admitting to guilt and therefore responsibility for these crimes and their contemporary consequences, there would need to be reparation. Admitting guilt would admit that there is a problem and a problem requires a solution. A solution that the state must come up with. What state wants to do that? Which is why we, as individuals, can no longer look away from what is going on. Not just in the United States, but around the world. We must demand change if we want to see change. Therefore, this can’t be just a fad. Something we post once on our various social media handles and sit back and relax believing that we did our part. It has to be a constant and it needs to be consistent.
I want to identify that I would fall under the category of white privileged and therefore, am unfit to answer this question. This is largely due to the fact that I can’t answer what the solution is, I can only speculate. I also know that by not saying anything at all is to be borderline complicit in the further continuation of systemic inequity and racism against blacks. So, I will write about this, full knowing that I am not the person to solve this problem but that I want to be part of the solution. I believe that the biggest contribution that I can provide is to continue to educate myself on racial inequity both historical and present as well as share my learnings with others- especially my children. I want to learn and hear more stories so I can bring them to light. I don’t want to be part of the fad, I want to be part of the change.
As mentioned, I believe that education is one method of changing the narrative and the systems of prejudice in various countries. In a book I have recently begun reading about the experiences of Blacks in Britain, Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People About Race by Reni Eddo-Lodge, she mentions a bit on a black sociology professor trying to put together a ” race-based” educational program for the police in the 1980s. The reason for which, was that Britain at the time was experiencing an influx in racial tension and “rioting”. The professor first wants to see what the general understanding on British Blacks is and sends out an open survey to police officers. Depending on his findings, he will be able to see whether or not the program should be anti-racist or multicultural in approach. The results of his survey provide ample evidence of racist beliefs held throughout the sample. It is important to note that the responses yielded similar themes associated to Blacks ranging from decreasing property value to increasing crime. This information encouraged the sociologist to pursue an anti-racist approach, rather than a multicultural approach to his program. However, this decision for an anti-racist program was turned down by the police department and the educational program was closed altogether as a result. This was a big a-ha moment to me, that there is a difference between multiculturalism and anti-racism.
But what is the difference between these two?
First let me briefly touch on my cultural lens. I am a heterosexual white male. Does this matter? Yes. I realize I am what is perhaps the poster child of what so many movements are going against. Typically speaking, when you think of racists who run the country and the agenda, who comes to mind? Straight white men who are rich and powerful. The only thing I am lacking is the mass influence and wealth. But maybe that does make me a good candidate to speak up. Maybe I can influence the other straight white men to have a different opinion? Or at least give their long held beliefs a second thought. Hence the whole purpose behind my blog and podcast, that we are probably wrong about everything. So why not try and get it right? Why not give it a second look? Why not hear someone else who has a different opinion or perspective than the ones we constantly surround ourselves with? Well, generally speaking, people don’t like doing this because it makes them feel uncomfortable. No one likes to be wrong. Which is problematic because at some point we are all wrong and until we challenge what we believe we could never be right. Phew, that was an aside but I believe it to be important… my point is, I have no clue what it is like to be a minority in a western nation, so how can I answer the question of what a different group than my own (read minority) needs? I can’t. All I can do is ask questions, shut up and listen. Which is very very hard for us (yes, I am talking about “us” white people) because we have been talking for so very long. It is time to listen to other voices.
This is where the difference between multiculturalism and anti-racism comes in. Multiculturalism is an interesting concept. It suggests that you have a country or place that is accepting of all different cultures and peoples. Everyone is included but not necessarily everyone gets along, or has to. However, there is a bit of a hidden piece to this. Where are all these cultures gathering? Usually in a place where they are the minority and there is a dominant culture. Usually, countries that are multicultural are also democratic, which means that decisions are made based on votes. Every individual gets a vote. So if you have a dominant culture and a bunch of different minority groups, it is likely that the majority will be making the decisions. If you are able to get the dominant culture or majority to think a certain way, then it its likely that they will be swayed to vote or direct their countries decisions in a certain way. Democracy isn’t perfect; however, it certainly beats the alternative of living in a fascist or communist country. At this moment in history, utopians don’t exist. Therefore, democracy is our safest choice. But, as one can easily deduce from this explanation, democratic countries and the voting power of the people can easily be exploited. I won’t name drop any current political leaders or explicitly list any of their tactics but by using emotive power of fear, you can be sure to convince anyone to think a certain way. Especially the uneducated. Therefore, multiculturalism, or the inclusion of different peoples and different groups is not enough to create a flourish democratic and egalitarian nation.
You need something more. You need to be honest. You need to be open. This is all a part of anti-racism. Which is the act of understanding the prejudicial views of others and then trying to educate them to thinking alternatively. It’s trying to figure out the x,y,z of why this individual or group dislikes this other group and then exploring the absurdity of these claims. You can do this by shaming people to think a certain way. But this can have mixed, often polarizing results. For example, calling someone who says they don’t care about BLM a racist is likely to make them oppositional rather than supportive. So this is definitely a tactic to avoid. Instead, I think it is good to listen to the views of the individual and go from there. In returning to our example of the person who doesn’t care about BLM, ask them why? Perhaps they have good reasons that have never been validated. Maybe they have been told their opinions don’t matter. We don’t know until we ask the questions. You may notice that people have some very searing opinions on the matter. As a white person, I know I have heard some things that I highly doubt would be shared with a person of colour. All the more reason for me to listen first and then ask questions. I won’t win anyone over by calling them a racist asshole. Maybe they say that this group is more prone to end up in prisons.Okay, but why is that? Start by talking about the legacy of how there came to be a disproportionate number of blacks in American prisons. You win people over by making them think. Maybe not immediately but eventually.
This is why anti-racist education is a strong medium for combating prejudice in our society and why the British sociologist wanted to go this direction rather than the multicultural approach. However, it is uncomfortable to openly discuss our own bias and prejudice. However, it is there. Anyone who says “I don’t see colour” is guilty of naivety. Anyone who says “all lives matter” is clearly missing the point. We are talking about Black lives. So you better start to see colour and understand that it has been misrepresented in historically and contemporary. We all have much to learn and we are all part of this conversation. The only way we are going to make change in our democratic society is by having the courage to be a part of this conversation. In conclusion, I am talking to white people: we have no idea what it is like to be a visible minority in Euro-western centric country because we are the majority. That might make you feel uneasy and if so good, it’s the truth. So we need to have these conversations but we need to do a lot more listening than speaking. White people have been doing most of the speaking for a long damn time (again, understatement), so it’s time to be quiet and listen. Trust me on this, you are going to want to be a part of the change.
Thank you for reading,
*That is not to say that these two examples are the only cases of oppression committed by colonizers, in fact, the list is rather exhaustive; however, the focus is on the impacts of systemic racism against blacks.
I like to think of my articles as an open dialogue. If you have questions, concerns, comments or if you think I am completely out to lunch- please do not hesitate to write in the comments below. Your thoughts will help me and they could help others see a different point.
I know. I know. Father’s Day was yesterday; however, I decided to allow said day to come to an end before writing on the topic. Why? Well, for starters, why does it matter when you write on a topic, especially one as meaningful and timeless as fatherhood? The other main reason is that this was my first Father’s Day as a father myself and felt a lot different than previous ones. Also, it was Sunday and I have decided to make that a day to take a break from writing. Therefore, we find ourselves at the beginning of a new week with fresh thoughts on the invaluable subject of parenting. And to be specific: male parenting.
You see, Father’s Day used to be something I avoided. This is largely due to my father passing when I was fourteen years old. Ever since that event, I found myself routinely distracted on this day. When I was lost in my rebel rousing and anger, I called it Fatherless Day. Due in part to the absence of a paternal figure. But looking back, I couldn’t have been more wrong. I have had many positive male figures in my life, it was just my perception that was turning this event from something worth celebrating to something I detested. But now that I have a child of my own, I am able to breathe deeply and be thankful for all of the positive men in my life that shared theirnarratives, perspectives, beliefs and virtues but most importantly their presence. One could easily fill a book on the lasting impact of finding your own “father figures” in the absence of a biological one or the importance of providing this role in someone else’s life, but this is an article and thus calls for something far more brief. So I will do my best to do just that.
Life is an incredibly difficult landscape to navigate. The requirements and expectations on our young are demanding and constantly changing. If we think it is difficult to adapt and understand things like pandemics as adults, then imagine what must be going on in the minds of children and adolescents. They can barely understand their own biological functioning let alone the sociological intricacies of the Earth. Then of course comes puberty, where things really get out of whack. We need someone to help us understand these phenomenon and our mothers and other maternal figures do a fine job of that; however, we also need the insight of our males. We need, and will likely always need, a balance in parental leadership. You need dads and you need moms. Doesn’t matter if you have two dads or two moms. Or a single parent. An individual will always develop optimally with the influence of the opposite gender. Provided they are a mentally healthy individual. In my years of experience in education, I have of course, seen the impact of not-healthy parent(s) on the lives of children. Not unlike a plant that requires both sunlight and water to grow, a child needs a healthy adult male and a female to grow up confident and emotionally strong.
But what if a parental figure is missing? According to a 2019 stat, there are about 1.71 million single parent families living in Canada.* This is an increase from 1.56 million in 2010. This mean that there are thousands of children growing up without a biological mother or father in their lives.** This suggests that we are raising more and more children in single parent families. What will they grow up to become? According to one article, children with two parents reportedly have better success not just at school and childhood but later in life.*** But is this true? Are children doomed to failure and to repeat the cycle of becoming single-parents themselves? Absolutely not (nor did the article conclude this). But for their best chances and optimal mental and emotional development, they need a positive role model in their lives. Both male and female. This doesn’t have to be a biological father or mother. Why? Because these two different individuals can teach us not only how to be and how to act but also that we are valued, we are important and we are cared for. In my experiences, children with active male and female role models in their lives are far less likely to develop issues regarding mental health or at-risk behaviours. That is not to say that individuals with these role models will never suffer from these problems; however, it seems they are far less likely for this to occur.
So what is the solution? Like anything complex, the solution is far more simple in writing than in practice. We simply need more positive role models in the lives of children and adolescents. The reality is that there are not a lot of them out there, especially males. Which returns us to the focus of this article: paternal figures. I work in the field of elementary education, and let me tell you, there are not a lot of young males in my field. At least based on my experiences. I honestly don’t have the stats to back this information up but anyone who has a child who has been through the elementary gamut can likely attest: male teachers are an anomaly. Or, ask anyone who has tried to find a mentor through Big Brothers. Not a lot of them out there. At least, not enough to meet the rising demands. Therefore, we need more positive males out there. We need more paternal figures.
Take it from me. When my father passed, a void was created. Now I could have filled that void with anger, sadness and all kinds of bad decision making. And to some extent I did, or eventually did, but a lot of that was delayed. This is large part in due to the positive male role models I had in my life. Teachers, uncles, family friends. I was very fortunate for these people who tried to best guide me and help me navigate and understand being a man (which has a myriad of different meanings and definitions influenced by culture, sexuality, etc.). Unfortunately, I didn’t always listen to the advice and wavered between accepting guidance and leadership and outright rejecting these values in exchange for polluting my mind with negativity. Again, I was fortunate enough to not get consumed in my self-destruction and pity. It would not be an exaggeration for me to say that a teacher saved my life when I was a teenager because he was there for me and he cared.
Who knows how many others are out there waiting to be saved? Waiting to be cared for? I am not saying that it is your job to help all the orphans out there. No, but what you can do is be there for one. And that one can one day, hopefully, be there for somebody else. Again, that isn’t your job but it could be your influence. And your influence could be the difference between a child who succeeds and a child who grows up angry at the world and her environment. I know times are busy and we all know they are not getting any quieter. Therefore, we need to make time and effort to achieve this. Maybe it’s taking your nephew to their theatre practice. Or watching your friend’s daughter play her first baseball game. Trust me when I say this, there are lots of opportunities to make a massive impact in a child’s life that they could likely never forget their entire lives. And really, all it took was you sacrificing one afternoon of your life. In being with my own daughter, I have come to know what children want the most in the world: you. They want a loving parent. They don’t care about a trip to Mali or getting a PS5 for Christmas nearly as much as they want you to be there. They will remember playing Halo 15 on their new xbox a lot more vividly with you than by themselves.
I want to end this article by saying thank you to you. For starters, if you are reading this, then it is very likely that you are a positive role model in someones life. You are being part of the change. A change our society demands. You can help explain and explore the need to re-evaluate the problems of racism in our society. Be the example of how to treat others regardless of who they love, how they live, or how they look. You can be the difference in a person’s life and chances are, you already are. So cheers to parents. But especially thank you to all the fathers. Everywhere.
I also want to thank and dedicate this piece to all those who helped me become the father I am today.
**The study defines a Two Parent Family as “a married couple (with or without children of either and/or both spouses), [or] a common-law couple (with or without children of either and/or partners)”. This stat doesn’t tell us if the child is split between two homes with a single parent at each or is strictly being raised in one home by one parent. Therefore, it suggests that a divorced family with two very involved parents could fall into the category of single parent family based on the definition.
The creative process is a frustrating one. Perhaps it is because, if you are like me, you wait for some creative genius to wash over you, be inspired and then start working. Well, guess what? It doesn’t work that way. If you want to write something, or do something. Anything for that matter. You have to physically start doing it. No amount of self-help books will self help you to action. You have to act. Now of course I am not saying that you shouldn’t be reading or expanding your knowledge. But at some point, we got to realize, we are the ones that have to do it. It is not going to come to us. It is not going to fall from the sky. We have to act.
So instead of sitting around and being a Netflix triathlete. Get up and do the work. This is the only way you are going to get things done. I don’t know what is wrong with me, and perhaps my generation, but nothing is going to come to you. With the exception of the lottery and even that requires buying a ticket. We have got to get up and do the work. So instead of thinking about all the plot points and pandering over every detail and theme. Just start.
Instead of researching the best gym routine to follow. Just go to the gym.
Instead of thinking about what products to best clean your house. Just clean your house.
Nike truly was on to something when they said, ‘just do it’. Trust me on this one. Whatever it is you want to do. Whatever goal it is you want to achieve. Stop making excuses that no one cares about because the only person it is affecting is you. But my internet is too slow and the word document for me to write this is taking too long. This is the voice I heard before writing this and honestly, it’s a piss poor excuse for not doing the work.
Hear yourself and redirect yourself. Just do it.
We live in a world of perfectionism and perfectionists. And I’m here to say that is a load of shit. Nothing is more important than the power of action and action is progress. Not perfection. So stop talking and just do it. You are more than capable.
Last Sunday I wrote about the need to reintroduce some routine and structure into my life. The current circumstances of COVID-19 has made it far too easy for me to formulate excuses to not have a rigid schedule. I can’t go to the gym because it is closed. I can’t get up early because I could wake everyone. I can’t go to be early because I have to watch one more episode on Netflix. As I write them out, I see the truth for what it is, my own laziness and my quickness to blame my situation on external factors. Yes, excuses. The reality is that I am the one who needs to adapt. So I decided to challenge myself in going to be every night at a reasonable time and getting up at 5am to start a specific morning routine.
That was last week and as promised, I thought I would share how it went. My goal is not to bore you with the details so I will try and be as succinct as possible. The purpose is for me to be honest with you so I can be more honest with myself. That night after writing the article, we had some friends over. I stayed up to late. Had too much wine. Ate too much food. So as you can imagine, when the alarm went off at 4:55AM, I hit the snooze button faster than cowboy in a wild west shootout. Off to a great start.
I eventually did find the “strength” to get out of bed quarter after six. Rather than beat myself up, I acknowledged that this was an improvement from any single day the previous week. Improvement. Success. Getting better. But not where I want to be. Now the interesting thing about my relationship with goals, is that one failure often times makes me want to quit. Maybe you are the same way. Now I could get in-depth into the psychology of this (or what I think the psychology is) but allow me to be brief: for me I associate failure with shame (I could write an entire article on the reasons why). Maybe you do too? Historically, when I can’t make a goal or deadline, I collapse and give up. Rather than regroup, restructure and try again, I just throw in the towel. But that methodology is shit and I’m tired of appealing to it. So instead of beating myself up and giving up, which I was previously a master at, I decided to learn from what went wrong.
I re-evaluated last night and looked simply at what happened without adding any emotions to it. Okay, so I had some friends over. Stayed up too late and drank wine. Clearly, I need to shut things down earlier. That’s it. No further judgements or shameful statements against myself or my decision making. Because this is what traditionally has derailed me from further pursuit of my goals. I believe that there is an inner critic in us all that keeps us from doing what we want to do. Because whenever we fail at pursuing that passion or valuable goal, the inner critic is in their glory. You suck. You knew you couldn’t do it, why did you even try? You can lie and convince them but you’re the same damn loser to me. You get the idea. The inner critic is a Bonafide prick! How do you shut it off? You just get right back to that goal. You make adjustments. So what did I do? Went to bed earlier.
The following morning? You may have guessed it. Didn’t get up at 4:55AM. Again, shoot the snooze button from the hip. I get the bullseye every time. But this time, I rolled out of bed at quarter past 5. And yes, I literally had to roll myself out of bed. While not the time I was aiming for, I saw it as another victory. I was encouraging myself. I went downstairs and did a morning routine. The only difference was that the timing was staggered by fifteen minutes. Victory. Rather than beating myself up, I kept identifying the positive and that pushed me forward. I want to clarify that acknowledging these successes is not to be confused with participation awards. You know, the ones were you go out and everyone gets a reward just for showing up. To hell with that, I still had a goal and I was going to achieve it. I just wasn’t going to succumb to the negative voices in my head.
So, that night I went to bed at a reasonable time. This allowed me to get up at 4:55 the following morning and crush my routine. I didn’t fall out of bed. I go up with purpose. Had a coffee and started reading. Then did a workout. It was the victory I had wanted. I was able to redirect myself onto the path of success and not give up on the goal because I failed the first day starting it. I call this Goal Reorienting. Imagine one day that you are lost in the woods while going for a hike. You would (hopefully) not just give up finding a way out. What you might do is stop aimlessly walking and recompose yourself by taking a breathe and thinking about where you came from and where you want to go. You would look for landmarks that would help bring you back onto the path from where you came from and eventually get yourself out of the precarious position you are in. Goal Reorienting is like this, only instead of getting lost in the woods you fail to hit your goal. The recomposing yourself is similar but rather than looking for landmarks, you look for the successes that are getting you closer to your goal. Lets say you wanted to lose ten pounds but you only lost 5, well, that’s a pretty spectacular landmark that means you are getting closer to your destination. This helped me stay on the path and carve out my first success with my goal. It felt good, but it was only one day.
Now, maybe I was too cocky because that night I did not go to bed at a reasonable time. But I made a commitment to get up at 4:55AM, which I accomplished. This goes back to the concept of Goal Reorientation. Yes, I strayed away from my path but I was able to correct myself at the nearest landmark (my wake up time). This was a success. And trust me, that night I had no troubles sleeping. I was back at it, even on the weekend! I also plan on continuing to pursue this routine- will I achieve it tomorrow? Not sure yet but I am aiming for it. That is the key to goal consistency.
The point is, if you do not want to accomplish something, aim for perfection. If you do want to achieve something, aim for and identify your progress. Once you get there, keep pursuing it. Achieving goals is all about consistency and your willingness to work for it. Not skill. Not luck. Ask yourself how bad do you want it? If you give up the first sign of difficulty then that can tell you one of two things: you either don’t really want it or you need to deal with that inner critic in your head who is keeping you down. Only you can figure this out and I challenge you to!
So how are you doing with your goals? Feel free to leave a comment below. I would love to hear from you.
I don’t know about you folks, but I am really feeling the quarantine blues. I know Social Distancing is something to take seriously, which I am, but DAMN my routine and my willpower is way out of wack. I feel out of sorts and really lacking the motivation to do the things that are important to me. So I thought that this would be a good time to reflect on that and perhaps even offer some encouragement to you as well (if you find yourself in a similar state). After all, we are all in this together. I mean truly, whether we like it or not, this is happening to all of us and it is affecting all of us.
Before we were in this situation, I found myself getting up at five minutes to five in the morning. This gave me time to have some coffee, maybe even meditate, read a book, stretch and then head off to the gym before going to work. I found this routine got me pumped up and ready to go. I attribute much of this to not only going to bed at a reasonable time before but to getting some exercise before starting my day. Right there we got two major things that fuel a healthy mindset: sleep and exercise. Since quarantine, gyms have closed and I find myself working from home.
I am very thankful to be working. Unfortunately, many of us may not be as fortunate. While some of us are receiving financial support- there are others who are living under extremely stressful financial situations. My heart goes out to these individuals and their families. This is but one more major difficulty during a tumultuous time. I do wish to acknowledge these individuals. My thoughts are with you and your families at this time. I can not speak for you but my only hope is that this article may provide something useful to you.
Working from home is more difficult than I had anticipated. Not that the work itself is more difficult but rather the ability to remain focused is. At work, I find myself coming to a place where I am given a specific task: to do my job. When you are working from home, there is much more you have to do- especially if you have children. At the time of writing this, my daughter is seven months old. It is wonderful to be able to experience being around her during the day. Seeing her trying to figure out the world more than I was ever able to when I worked. However, it can make focusing on work and staying on task for extended periods of time very difficult. I can only imagine what this is like for parents of older children who are much more mobile and active.
That said, If I am being honest with myself: I am hiding my lack of productivity behind my daughter. Behind my spouse. Behind my dog. Behind my chores. All of which is rather unfair. The real reason my level of effort has decreased is because of me. I have fallen into a slump and I have chosen to use our current situation as an excuse. Yes, the gym is closed. Yes, I am not able to switch up my scenery and put myself in a “productive” environment. Yes, I can’t see friends. But these are all reasons to hide behind my lack of productivity. I can still get up early in the morning. I can still go to bed at a reasonable time. But I find myself not doing these things. Why? Because I am looking for a good reason not to. For me, blaming it on something out of my control is a great excuse. The problem: it is still an excuse and the only person who is really stopping me from accessing my potential is myself.
Sometimes it helps to pull back the layers and look at things from a distance. Detaching yourself from the immediate experience. So if I am to do that and stop and assess things, I will see that there is a habit loop starting to cultivate itself. I tell myself: “Okay, I am going to get up early tomorrow and start my day like I used to.” But I find myself staying up way passed my intended bedtime binge watching shows about a gun trotting madman with a penchant for killer cats. The result: I go to bed later and can’t get myself up in the morning. Almost always, we do things because there is a reward.
Think about your worst vice: typically you do it because you get something out of it. If you didn’t you probably wouldn’t do it. Take for example alcohol. If you have a couple drinks, you start to feel good. It relaxes you. Have to many, you feel like you were hit by a truck the next day. But often times we forgot about how bad our hangovers are and only remember the good feelings, so we find ourselves doing the same thing only a few days later. My point is that our memory and our minds are programmed to these feedback loops especially if what we get out of it is a good feeling which over time become habits. This is explained originally (and far more clearly) in Charles Duhigg’s wonderful book The Power of Habit.
So for me, staying up late with mindless entertainment was becoming a habit. Watching tv or playing video games felt good but then I would have a hard time getting up. This did not feel good. It made me feel unaccomplished and that in turn was failing my goals. This would derail my day and my mood because I felt unsuccessful which would manifest itself in, you guessed, staying up late to ward off those bad feelings. Before all this, I would get up in the morning and go to the gym. The reward was that I felt great after and in turn mentally set me up for a successful day. The problem is that the system of delivering that reward: the gym, is no longer available. So what do I need to do to get back on track and reclaim my routine? Like most things, the answer is deceivingly simple: I need to change right now. I need to stop hiding behind people and events believing they are “obstacles”. I am my only obstacle. I am the one responsible for where I am and the choices I make. So, I need to start making better ones.
The best way to get out of a slump is to acknowledge that you are in one. For me, my slump is not being productive and in not setting up some rigidity in my day. We all need this in our lives, we function best in the presence of a schedule not the absence of one. Therefore, I need to develop and stick to a routine. So starting today I will give myself a weekly schedule. If I slip up, rather than beat myself up, I will do everything to get back on that schedule. For example: if I don’t get up at 4:55, I will get up at the closest interval to that on my schedule. Most importantly, I will set an alarm at the end of the day to go to bed. This will help remind me that I have got to get up early tomorrow. Remembering that the biggest thing in aiding a positive and strong mindset is sleep! If you get a good night sleep, you will simply be more ready for whatever comes your way in the morning.
Picture 2: A rough copy of my proposed routine.
I have included a scanned copy of my schedule above. You will notice the emphasis is on the morning having a strict routine and there being a set time for bed. This leaves plenty of room for figuring out the rest of the day. To me having a regulated morning is necessary for having a productive and positive day. Maybe it is similar to yours? Or perhaps you too could benefit from having a schedule. Feel free to share your thoughts and let me know what you think. I will be posting next weekend with results in how I did with my schedule and areas for improvement. This will help keep me accountable and honest. Human beings are creatures of habit and having a routine can help promote our maximum potential. My goal is to get back to achieving just that! I would be honored if you joined me (or perhaps for me to join you)!
Thank you for reading,
 Duhigg, Charles, The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business, Canada: Random House, 2013.
 Walker, Matthew, Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams, New York: Scribner, 2018.
The internet is a fascinating and boundless place. It has so much content. So much culture. So much influence. It is a land of unlimited opportunities for information: on any subject, on any thing you can really imagine (always use caution when really tapping into your imagination). It is also a place for socialization albeit a very strange one. You see, part of what makes us humans so interesting is our ability to communicate. According to anthropologists, evolutionary biologists and other smart people – the ability to explicitly and implicitly communicate and thus share information, is what got us to where we are today. Therefore, language: the vessel through which we communicate, is complex. We do not just express ourselves through our literal written words or our spoken phrases. We also use body language, active listening, tone, and a lot of hidden meanings or symbolic language (things like idioms and sarcasm) among other amazing phonological things. My point is, there is more to language than the words we write in a comment box.
The problem is that the internet, for the most part isn’t really monitored by a ruling or governing body. Sure, they have all kinds of people observing what goes on in the internet but no one is really policing it. For example, say you woke up late and are starting your day off poorly. Then you get on public transit and someone on the bus is listening to music full blast without headphones. Yes, using their shitty phone to blare ear bleeding static noise for all to enjoy. It’s at this point you realize you forgot your coffee. Your body temperature increases. Frustration builds up. You feel a demon inside you starting to riff speed metal on your psyche. You are ready to snap.
But you can’t. You can’t walk up, rip that person’s phone and defenestrate them both from a moving vehicle. Social norms resist us from doing that. If you were to do that. You would probably get yourself in a lot of trouble with the law. Because you took someone else’s property and destroyed it (albeit, somewhat justly).
Is there a metaphor here? Yes. Is it super clear? Maybe not, so I’ll explain. We all have bad days. We have all likely been victims of our anger and rage at some point. If not externally, then internally. However, socially constructed systems, like laws and policing bodies, have created things to protect others and in so doing has developed social norms and expectations. Ask anyone on the street if it is normal to walk up to someone and punch them in the face and they will tell you, most likely defensively: no (on second thought, I strongly advise that you please do not do that). That is because we all have a right to be safe. So, you can’t take that goofballs phone and throw it out the window, even though he deserves it. And if you do you go to jail.
So you keep that anger in.
Something else happens. Then something more. Et cetera. Et cetera. And the fire that is your temper grows.
If you are a healthy person. You might start to do some deep breathing. Take a sip of cold water. Distract yourself. Maybe think about a herd of wild puppies jumping on you in a spring meadow and the sun is out. Just look at those puppies. Awww so cute. (Damn, that calmed me down just writing that!)
But maybe you don’t have the strategies to calm yourself down. Maybe you’ve been told all your life to keep it in or not to let it bother you. This advice isn’t very helpful because it isn’t practical. We have to let it out some way or another. And if we don’t let it out through a positive mindful practice, we will let it out through a negative one. Go ahead and name your vice: be it raging at others, road rage, porn, liquor, stealing stamps from your Grandmother’s vast collection, you name it.
Or, maybe you go on the internet. After all, the internet is for the most part, a fairly unregulated and ungoverned place. It seems, that the only way you are ever held responsible or accountable for something you say is if it causes enough social outrage that people come after you. Usually, this is reserved for the off-colour remarks that famous people make while tweeting well past midnight. But the troll is not famous and thus they log on and proceed to absolutely trash someone of status or otherwise. You go on groups and intentionally start fights. You love dwelling in comment boxes and typing things you would never say in public. But here, oh here, you’ve found the perfect place to unleash that monster inside you. Your goal in what you say is not to provide constructive criticism but to evoke the same rage demon that has been conjured up in you. All these years. These people are called Internet Trolls.
Trolls are bastards. They feed off negativity. They say things that cause emotional responses in readers arousing some of our most primitive emotions: hate, fear, anger. They desperately want you to respond. To ignite their fire. To keep that pain burning. Because they are weak. They are hurt. They are people who have been bullied all their lives. Mistreated and presumed powerless. Neglected when they needed a friend. Abandoned when they needed a place to share their heart, their passion, their spark. Trolls are also people just like you and me. They were once a child. They were once innocent and full of potential, now they get their power from antagonizing others online. See the hurt in their words. Hate is hurt and hurt people hate.
There is only one remedy to hatred.
Which brings me to my amazing mother. She has given me so much advice and care over the years that I could never repay her back, I can only pay it forward unto others. She used to say to me when I was angry at someone: If you have nothing nice to say, find something nice to say. I know. I know. The saying usually goes that if you have nothing nice to say don’t say anything. But our brains are wired for connection. And when we see the positive in things, our brain develops neural networks that, from that moment on, searches for positive things. It might be difficult at first, but the more you look for the good, the easier it becomes. So instead of shooting a bunch of venom into the internets, say something kind!
For example, perhaps you have a funny comment about regarding what someone does. Do a quick checklist and ask yourself: could this person misread what I am saying? Is this comment mean spirited or is it friendly? Where is this comment coming from? Is it out of pride or jealously? I probably shouldn’t post it then. There are other questions you could ask, but these are good immediate ones to consider before posting something. I’ve made jokes and said things that after I thought, perhaps sometime later: geeze, I probably shouldn’t have said that. If you are having Post Regret. Don’t sweat it. Who you were is not who you are. Just make a conscious effort to say nicer things moving forward. Maybe go back and say something positive on that person’s page. They probably won’t notice or even care, but you will.
Going around saying nice things or comments that are intended to encourage or promote positive feelings is a really good thing. You are injecting the opposite of what the internet already has waaaaaay too much of: trolls and trolling behavior. So much so that it’s a commonplace verb nowadays. Also, you will feel good about yourself too! When you say positive things and encourage others, you feel amazing after. So be an Internet Pixie instead. Might sound super lame but it far outweighs being classified as a troll.
What is a Pixie? Well, depending on where you look, the definition of a Pixie is an entity that can be mischievous but chooses to do “good” instead of being “bad”. They are literally kind-spirited (a kind spirit) versus mean-spirited (a mean spirit). We all have a consciousness and an intuition that tells us what is right from what is wrong. We feel good when we do things that are good, like helping others; however, if we feel bad, like a troll often does, we continue to do bad. Being a troll is cyclic: you feel shitty, so you say something shitty, then you might get a rush of dopamine, but because you didn’t do anything constructive, you feel shitty and the cycle repeats itself. Wow, that’s a lot of excrement. Excrement is toxic. That’s why we get rid of it. So: break the cycle. Be kind, friendly, nice and pleasant on the internet and say things that follow these values. I guarantee that if you promote kindness by throwing some Pixie dust on the internet, then your overall mood will follow!
So be an Internet Pixie, not an Internet Troll. Start Pixing today!
Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoy this article as much as I have enjoyed writing it. Have a wonderful day.
 Much like operating a car or heavy machinery, don’t post things under the influence of drugs and alcohol.
 Thanks mom, I promise I’ll clean my room. Later.
 I originally considered calling it an Internet Faerie; however, I received a lot of feedback, non-verbal and otherwise, that this was probably not a good choice in wording. My intent in using this terminology was not to offend anyone or any groups. If you think it is suiting go ahead. Whatever it is, it is meant to be positive.
 Found this through a simple Wikipedia search, then got lost for half an hour in the vortex that is the internet and ended up on the climate on Kilimanjaro wondering: how did I get here? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pixie
 It is a similar phenomenon in drug addicts called the Habit Loop. For more information, read: The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg.
I started writing these articles or excerpts- whatever you would like to call them, as a way of positively relaxing, reflecting and growing. You see the old method I previously employed, that of getting all pent up during the week and then getting smashed up with my friends, is extremely counter-intuitive to being a successful new parent. Hangovers and screaming children are a fatal cocktail. I also realized that I didn’t want to follow some of the similar missteps of others by self-medicating with alcohol as a method of stress management. The interesting thing is that alcohol increases stress levels rather than inhibits them. Therefore, I needed to find something different and fast. My relationship with my partner and my child depended on it.
Throughout my twenties, I thought it was meaningful to lose yourself in parties and the drink. To forget your values and act like an absolute idiot to attain laughs, attention and even popularity. But that was all incredibly misplaced. While I made lots of great friends throughout my travels, many of whom are still in my life, quite a few of them have subsided and gone elsewhere. The reality is that this was all very much a mask to hide my true self. I am a hurt person. A lot has happened in my life that has negatively impacted me. A lot of it was my own fault. Some of it wasn’t. Regardless, I had an option: to change my values and my lifestyle or slowly destroy my life because of my unhealthy habits. The choice was mine and no one else.
So, like any human with half a brain and a kernel of dignity, I chose to get better. To spend more time with my family and do more productive things. I chose to change. I had the humility to realize that the way I was living was not positive but rather destructive. I almost lost a great relationship and everything that came with it because I was too stubborn to get some help. Life is not easy. For anyone. And if it is easy, then who can you really relate to (it’s hard not relating to anyone)? We all experience pain and we will all at some point or another, if not already, experience immense loss. Loss and pain is part of existence. Death is what makes living real. Time is the only universal currency in all living things. Money doesn’t mean shit when you die, only what you did with the time that you were given does. So start using your time wisely. Which is precisely what I started doing: using my time wisely.
I started going to bed and getting up earlier. I spent more time with my family. I developed a bond with my baby daughter. I played less video games. I put my phone on silent and didn’t respond to people right away. I avoided group chats like the plague. I stopped caring what most people think (after all, if they didn’t respect my new way of life- why bother having them around?) I limited time spent around negative people and energy vampires. I drank less booze and ate much healthier. I mediated. I took cold showers. I journaled (kind of doing that right now). I drank more water. I went to the gym almost every morning. You get the idea: I changed my habits. I changed my life style.
Change is a choice. A choice you make daily. It is not about being perfect. It is about doing your best. Every day. That is how you fall asleep quickly and soundly every night. Knowing you did your best. So that is what I decided to do: my best. I realized that when I was partying, drinking beers, eating garbage food and feeling terrible for the next two and a half days. I was not doing my best. It was evident. I need not ask anyone for a second opinion- the proof was in how I felt: like shit. Not only did I feel gross in terms of physical body- but I also felt like garbage inside my mind. My mental wellness was getting thrashed around like a headbanger at a Slayer concert and not in a good way. The irony is that I partook in these activities because I wasn’t feeling very good about myself but it was also through these activities that continued to make myself feel worse. The fact is that I simply was not doing a very good job of being a partner, a parent and a professional (my productivity at work was struggling too). I simply had no passion. No drive. I had a house. An education. A family. But something was missing.
When I was eleven years old, I wrote a book. In hindsight, it probably wasn’t very good. The plot was the same consistency as a Michael Bay film and featured characters that didn’t really develop. I used my grade seven classmates because I really couldn’t come up with interesting characters and didn’t want to. I was more interested in telling an action packed story where me and my friends took on a demon infested island. I wrote this book in one day. I was so excited. I was having so much fun. I didn’t care about the quality of it. I just loved creating this juvenile adventure that was overflowing with gore yet lacking in philosophical exposition. I wrote it while laying in bed and when I finished, I could hardly sleep. I couldn’t wait to show it to my friends the next morning. When I got to school, I felt like I carried a treasure inside that Garfield notebook. Before I knew it, everyone was reading it. They loved it. It was such a great feeling for I had finally found something I was good at. I was terrible at sports, music or most anything that required a level of skill. But for the first time I was getting honest praise for something I accomplished.
For a long time, I forgot that feeling. Instead, I turned to a plethora of other hobbies. I reserved writing for when I would become ‘inspired’. But that never seemed to happen. I just kept putting it off. Occasionally, I would start a project but then get distracted by a friend, a girl, booze, or all of the above. I went through my undergrad and finished my masters. Believe me, the last thing I wanted to do during this time was write. But really, it probably should have been the first thing. You see, for me, writing is part of my self-care plan. When I actually do it, it really doesn’t require that much energy. Behavioral psychologists call this a flow state, when you do something that seems to escape the parameters of time and you get lost in the act of doing it. Finding something that puts you in this state can help in combating mental health disorders. Writing helped do this for me, so why did I stop.
I probably stopped because I lacked consistency. I lacked having a plan. I lacked holding myself accountable. I lacked courage. I simply wasn’t getting any reps. I kept putting it off, thinking that tomorrow would bring the inspiration I needed. Well, you probably don’t need me to tell you that tomorrow never came. If you want to see change, you need to start right now. Not tomorrow. Not on New Years. Today. This very second. Now. So think of a goal. Maybe you want to get in better shape. Then stop reading this and do as many push-ups as you can do. Or do squats while you read it. Start right now. If you want to drink less booze, go buy a six pack of kombucha instead (it tastes like beer). Whatever it is that you want to change or get better at, you need to get repetitions in (I call them reps). The more daily reps you get in, the higher your chances of success. So make it something you can do relatively easily (ex. Mountaineering is not a good daily goal unless you live in Switzerland or a mountainous region; however, if you want to read more, then have books near you that you can pick up). Also, remember, you are not perfect. If you miss a day, shake it off, start again tomorrow. Do your best.
Remember, in the end, it is what we do with the time that we are given. Make the gift that is this time worth while and do what you want to do. Nobody else is going to do it for you. So go out there and get those reps!
(Semi)Pro-tip: If you want to see lasting change, make it a change that you can accomplish daily. For example: if you want to eat healthier, go to the store and buy some veggies! Then put them in your lunch and eat them. Feel good about eating them. Say: I just ate veggies. Go me! Or whatever mantra is going to make you feel good about your choice and insodoing is going to keep you making positive choices. It all comes down to you making a conscious choice. No one can make it for you. If you want change, you need to be that change.
Machine Head’s new release “Circle the Drain” is classified as an “anti-Valentine’s day” song. Put out on the amorously associated day of February 14th; I first heard it while at the gym that morning. And what an absolute BANGER of a track. Machine Head frontman, Rob Flynn, and whoever is alongside him – continue to produce metal hits that push the genre to new levels of excitement and intensity.
I first started listening to Machine Head a few years after they released The Blackening album in 2007. In hindsight, this was probably one of the best albums released in the 2010s of any genre. It was this record that they tapped into something so incredibly unique in terms of mood, tempo, sound, overall style and themes. This album they created something that was purely Machine Head and they have been reaping the rewards ever since with albums like Unto the Locust (2011), Bloodstones and Diamonds (2014) and their last record Catharsis (2018). All of which have continued to work and strengthen the sound that was discovered back in 2008.
While Machine Head is not without controversy, namely in terms of band members coming and going from their line up. Many attribute this to possible personality clashes and artistic disagreements with frontman Rob Flynn. Now, I’m not in the band, so what do I really know- but the man is clearly a visionary. He is an auteur of metal, music and culture. Obviously, there are going to be some conflicts in the interest of creating something visionary. You cannot argue with what this guy comes up with. He is a genius and boy, does he know how to put on a good show. He is so incredibly passionate about everything that he does that it is infectious.
Those who don’t enjoy their music, I have a really hard time having a conversation with. Yea, but why don’t you like them??? No real reason. Guess they can’t stand the power and brutal force of their sound. I have shown Machine Head to friends, even taken some of them to concerts. Those who have come to concerts were instantly converted to Headcases – the bands nickname for our maniac fanbase. I have seen them several times. Probably the best show I saw was when I was in Philadelphia for the Superbowl Parade in 2018 (I am also a massive Eagles fan, it’s actually a bit of problem – just ask my wife). I was at a bar just having a great time when I requested the song “Bastards”, a song of their new album that I knew would be a hit, and as it was playing someone heard the name of the band and has this pensive look on their face. They then told me that they are almost certain they are playing tonight at a venue not far from where I was. So, naturally, I rallied about some of the bars patrons and watched down to see the show. It was electric. I got body checked so hard in the mosh pit, I slid through people. Like a bowling ball striking out a full set of pins. People flew everywhere. It was madness. It was awesome. At one point during a break between songs I yelled: “I’m from Vancouver!” Robb Flynn laughed and said over the microphone “what are you doing here then?” And everyone starting chanting E-A-G-L-E-S! It was unreal. Pretty sure I chipped my tooth.
So naturally, any time Machine Head releases a new song. I go into a different head space where I listen, very intently on the new track. No one can distract me. I don’t know much about music literature, in the sense of reading sheet music and chord progressions – but I can tell a good song when I hear one. And this is a good song. It employs some synch sounding beats and varied chord progressions that have become so popular in current music but in a way that makes the song more biting overall and tells a fuller story. It gets heavier as the song carries on to a venomous and voluminous cadence that is characteristic of the Machine Head sound. The lyrical themes are about a love gone wrong. Most of us have all been there. It is chaotic, it is poisonous, it is dark – and yet you can’t escape. The relationship is serving more as a drug, a high you keep chasing but can never obtain. It escalates into further darkness and so, you are, as the title suggests: circling the drain. The song itself delivers this message of love lost with purpose and clarity. Something that a lot of music seems to lack these days.
I will admit, I am probably not the best critic to review this song – or even this band due to my affinity for them. That said, if you like Machine Head, and more specifically some of the more recent sounds and albums they have put out. Then you will indeed get into this track. It is awesome. Enjoy listening fellow Headcases!
I was thinking the other day about how much my life has changed since having a child. Shockingly, I have realized how much it has changed for the better. Before I had my daughter, I was what you would call a procrastinator. I like how the word ‘pro-’ is in this word. I definitely was good at it. I’m really not sure what ‘-crastinator’ means. It is probably Latin for time waster or time fool or something like that. I’ll look it up later; however, if my definition is correct, then I was a pro time waster. Which is absolutely true. I abused my time. That’s because I had so much of it. Once I finished work, I was free for the day, free for the week. I could meet with friends (which I did) and just completely waste weekends having fun and not being very productive. Now, I’m not saying I regret doing this, in fact quite the contrary, I am glad I did. I think I was able to get a lot of it out of my system and with the proper amount of reflection realize that it wasn’t the best usage of my time. And I know this isn’t a shocker but: time is a non-renewable resource. When our time is up. That’s it. It is up. You can’t put more coins into the arcade machine of existence. Therefore, you need to use your time wisely and constructively.
Which brings me to my point, having no excuses is sometimes the worst excuse. I view excuses as another term for resistance. Resistance from doing whatever it is that you want to be doing. Maybe it is fitness, maybe it is painting a picture, maybe it is writing (like me!). Whatever it is, it is unique to you. Again, I can’t tell you what your niche is but I can tell you that when you are doing it you are in what yogis and mind magicians call ‘the flow state’. Which is a pretty awesome thing. Essentially it is when you are doing something that feels effortless, requires little energy, you could do for sustained periods of time and that during and after: you feel much more positive. Excuses are what distract us, or resist us, from doing this very important dimension of self-care. This is because we all have something unique that we can do that gets us in this flow state where we are effectively creatingenergy rather than consuming energy. Again, I am no scientist, I simply speak from experience here: you need to start doing what you want to do. But what is an excuse? I’ll be honest, there are some really lame ones out there: “I got to party”, “I got HAMMERED last night”, “I don’t know where to look on Google”, “I made plans with a friend,” all of which are likely said while you blankly stare at a cell phone screen. Blah blah blah I honestly don’t care. This is rather pathetic. Now, I’m not saying you are pathetic but these excuses certainly are. These are not excuses. These are you wasting one of your most precious gifts: time.
A real excuse, is something like a commitment or some form of obstacle that you have no control over that you must engage with. The example previously stated were not mandatory engagements. You taking eighteen shots of some horrid liquor was of your own volition. If you are trying to tell me that it’s because your ‘friends’ forced you to do it because they were pointing some imaginary pressure pistol at your head, then the answer is simple: find new friends. A real excuse is something like you not wanting to miss your daughters first swimming lesson, you wanting to do something special with a parent, you making time to write a report for work that might get you further in your company. I have no idea what it might be but a real excuse is something you actually have to do. Being a parent is a good excuse for not doing what you want or need to be doing. However, it is still an excuse and as I mentioned earlier, excuses are what get in the way of us doing what we need to. Am I saying be a dead beat parent and run out of your kids life? Absolutely not. Then you really would be pathetic. No, I am not saying don’t do these things, afterall, they are obligations. You have to do them. Your life will be better managed if you do. What I am saying is use these excuses as fuel. Instead of saying that you can’t work on your next passion project because it’s your daughter’s first birthday, change your mindset: It’s my daughter’s first birthday so I need to work on this passion project. And how you do that is by making time. My suggestion is finding time in the day to do what it is that you want. Instead of throwing away time looking at how happy the robots of social media are, do what you need to do so you have more time to put away and do the things that put you in that flow state. Turn your excuses into your reason or influence to do what you want to do.
In the end, it is all up to you. You are responsible for how your story turns out. And how it turns out is based on your decisions not the decisions of others. That guy who forced you to get hammered? He doesn’t owe you anything. That device that steals all your time? It’s not apologizing any time soon. What does matter: your family, your real friends who support and encourage you, yourself. That is what matters. And guess what? That’s on you to put in the time and effort into. It’s your life, not theirs. So make it count. Think how much more present you will be with the ones that matter if you do what you need to do for yourself. And what you need to do for yourself is work on the things that make you feel happier, fuller, refreshed, invigorated. Make time to do your time. Turn your excuses into your reasons to do something instead of to not do something.